My husband and I have been married for 4 years now. We are both calm people and we have never had any big argument about anything. But financial pressure is starting to put a strain on our relationship.
My husband works in probation and I work at the council. We discussed our career plans before we got married and we decided that our joint income would be more than enough for us and we didn't need a big walima or a big house or fancy car.
Every month each of us takes responsibility for paying a certain monthly bill or household item. For the second time now I have found that he has not paid the rent which is his responsibility and the only reason I found out was because I saw an email from the estate agent. Unfortunately we have had to dip into our savings each time and I feel very insecure without having those savings to rely on in case of a real emergency.
I told him I wanted to take responsibility for rent and he could do some of my bills but he told me he feels like this would be patronising. He says that the only reason he didn't pay for this rent is because he needed to send money back home for an emergency and he was planning on sorting it out himself later. I have not pushed him on this and I want to see how things go for the next few months. He wants to stay in charge of the big finances because he's a man but I just don't know if I trust him with these things anymore.
Should I leave him be or insist on taking over the big financial responsibilities? I have enough stress at work already but I think it is the only way to make sure everything is done properly.
Hal G - 1 week ago
Hi Anon, I personally think that a few steps should happen before you decide to wait and see for the next couple of months. It appears to me that the crux of the issue is the lack of communication. You should have a candid conversation with your husband about open communication particularly when it comes to something as big as finances. Let him know that if either of you are unable to pay a bill (because life happens) than thats a discussion to be had in advance (finding out through emails is a big no no). You should also both work together to come up with a contingency plan to account for this (haphazardly dipping into your savings as a last minute solution is not a sustainable plan). Express to him the importance of you both being on the same page when it comes to important commitments such as this. If he expresses to you concern that he is unable to keep up, let him know that you can temporarily take over on rent until he is able to. Emphasize to him that you are a team and in this together. Hope this helps!